Part 34: Everyone will be Upgraded!

XCOM Mission 34: Everyone Will Be Upgraded



Analyzing the body of the “mechtoid” has resulted in some useful data we can use to upgrade our own mechanized units.







Crap. Gonna have to sell off a lot of junk to be able to afford this, but we want our lumbering behemoth of destruction to be as mobile as possible. In fact, let’s get to funding some more upgrades. Brain Spikes for Cam, and cybernetic augmentation for Dr. Gomez!



Deep breaths… deep breaths…
Trust me, you won’t feel a thing.
I can objectively say that being a cyborg is completely fucking awesome, doc. You will not regret this.
That’s what I’m counting on.



Looking good, this elerium generator will hopefully solve all our power problems for the foreseeable future. As soon as it’s up we’ll begin construction of the psychic testing laboratory too. That Satellite Nexus should give us enough processing power to lock down two more continents.



Still sore… How you holding up, Eva?
Pretty good. Lots more group therapy with me, Mimi, Yoko and Cam. We all have different faces, skins and hair than what we were born with. It’s… interesting. We’ve all reacted differently, but the fact that more than one person is going through this is softening the blow.
Yoko’s still pretty touchy…
Yeah, the last time I saw her she was griping about how good a counselor Dr. Gomez could be when she was voluntarily having her limbs removed…
Oh, bullshit! Don’t tell me she’s a cyborg-racist, she’s Japanese!
I think any kind of change upsets her, she needs stability. It’s so sad…



Hufff…huff… so, my friend, are you alright?
The spikes feel fine. If any more of those commanders try to get inside my head I’m gonna make their brains explode.
I mean your mother.
Oh. Um… yeah, she’s healing up fine. Got a nasty scar on her side, though…
Hmmm. Let me change the subject. You say you developed a video game, how do you play it?
Oh! Okay, well, you control a little rubber ball, and the goal is to sling it around a room to make glue monsters stick to each other or the wall to immobilize them.
I must play this! I need to keep my reflexes sharp for piloting the SHIV!


TIME PASSES…



…whoah. This is…incredible! I’m a bit awkward, I’ll need help figuring out all the intricacies of cyborg living… Naomi?
Sure. It’s pretty neat once you get the hang of it, Doc. I’ll show you all the moves I’ve learned. You’re gonna fucking LOVE rocket boots.



So, what’s it like?
Try to imagine a world where you have every sensation except discomfort.
Ah! And a world where you can run around technically naked and nobody gives a crap!
…yes. That is also quite freeing.



Ladies and gentlemen, our first reverse-engineered Light Plasma rifle has been completed.
YES! Sweet!
It’s technically not any more damaging than our laser rifles, but the area of effect is larger than the pencil-thin beam of light, so it’s much easier to hit targets with it.
I’m ordering the research of a plasma-based weapon our jets can carry to shoot down UFOs, since the bigger one last month almost destroyed our jet before it could down it.
I need the Council to send more scientists soon, this is taking longer and longer each time.



Queen’s ready, sir, but EXALT’s hot on her tail! We need immediate extraction. Cam, get ready to move out!



I have to support you guys, Leroy’s still sick.
I’m going too. I’ve been practicing with grenades. I can cram twice as many into one pocket and increase their effective damage now!
Feeling good… It’s time for my trial by fire.
If you think I’m NOT going to rescue my daughter you guys are crazy.
Yoko, are you going to be okay? We need a sniper, but if you’re not up for this…
No, I want this. It’s the only thing I know for sure. As long as you’re all with me, I’ll be fine.
I know you can do it!



Were these seats always this cramped?
Well, you have put on a little weight, doc.
Hey!
Ha. It’s fine. So… no helmet today, Eva?
I’m feeling braver.



WHEEE! Ha ha ha! Oh, forgive me.



Get ready. Our enemy isn’t aliens this time, it’s evil humans.
Evil humans are even easier to kill than aliens. Morally, I mean.



I’ll back you both up. If there’s any problems just hide behind me, okay, girls?
Of course, but I refuse to slow anyone down either!
Mmmph.



A laundromat, a diner and a few department stores… Hilda, you there?
I read you, Cam! But, uh… there may be a few issues. First of all, I didn’t finish retrieving the data, I need to steal it from some more comm arrays.
Okay, no problem.
The second is… I need to stay cloaked and can’t attack anyone.
Uh…?



I’m naked.
You’re what?!
They were ready for me and hit me with some kind of sticky magnetic dust bomb that disrupted my cloak. I needed to drop everything to be able to vanish. I’ve been running around Toronto freezing my invisible ass off for over an hour!
Oh, shit! Uh…we’ve got some emergency blankets in the Skyranger…
No! I have to finish the mission first. Just… just think of it an an extra operational condition, okay?



Right. Everyone grapple up to the roofs, except Doc. We’ll let these high buildings work for us and pick off any baddies we see.
I’ll use my jet boots!



Wooo! This is amazing!
Humanity 2.0’s pretty cool, yeah. Push over to the other side of the roofs.



XCOM!
What the hell is this shit? YELLOW cyborg? Black chick with purple straw for hair? Where’s Bar-Lev?! You said we were gonna be able to hold Leroy hostage to manipulate Bar-Lev!
Shut it! So our intel’s a little out of date, who cares.
Some of them are holding GREEN guns? Why don’t we have green guns, Paul?!
I said shut it! No names!



I’ve lost sight of them… they’re in the diner beneath us, I think.
Shit. If only one of us had that electrical skin to see through walls…
Queen can scout a bit, right, even if she can’t shoot?
Uh, yeah…



Three clustered Exalt right beneath Hugo, one more around the corner of the department store, can’t see in the diner… dammit, this is crazy…
What are you so modest for, anyway? We all use the same locker room.
I’m not shy, I just want a bulletproof vest between me and the terrorists!
You’ve been slacking off on your “kill a dozen men barehanded” training, Hilda! I raised you better!


How the hell did they track you, anyway?
EXALT has evolved noses, fool! We track people like bloodhounds!
Ha! So that’s why you wear bandanas?
Yeah, well let’s see if their skins are needleproof!



OWWWW! FUCK!
Scatter!
Administrative note: Needle grenades cover a wide area but do not go through or destroy cover. This is both a strength and a weakness, so it’s up to you to figure out how best to use them.
They’re great for harassment anyway!



Hey, suckers! What’s the fourth state of matter?
Plasma?
Very good!
Wait! NO!



GACK! Guhh…
Who the hell is this chick?



Someone we love. That’s all you need to know.
What kinda mushy crap is—



Blugh!



Dr. Gomez? Is that you?!
Hello. How do you like my new body?
…big.
Don’t worry. I’ll try to be a gentle giant.



Ohh, okay, so the yellow refrigerator is Gomez. Really, her? The shrink?
Yoko, some fire support please?



OWW! Shit! Fuck, what kind of shrink uses her own patients as soldiers?
It’s an on-site confidence-building exercise.



*gurgle*
Damn, these guns are easy to aim.



I’ve got the one behind the far corner!



Enemy down. …this is a ridiculously powerful weapon. No recoil, either.
Get the last one that sees me, I can’t safely move until I’m out of their range of vision!



On it!



Run for it!



*huff* *huff* Asphalt is hell on my bare feet…



Oh, bullshit! That was a headshot! I hit you!
My skull and braincase have been reinforced as well. You thought we’d leave our human heads exposed after all this armor?
Fuck.



Gun’s dry. Let’s try out the rocket fists.
Oh sh—



iiitgggghh!
Wow. That was… exhilarating.



*sniff sniff* I know you’re around here somewhere, Queen! You cannot hide forever, and I won’t let you get near this comm array! …aaah, hell! JOE!
What?
You just farted!
Sorry.
You idiot, you’re interfering with my tracking! Gag…
(*snicker*…)



Got the one in the diner. Hugo, suppress the other guy by the second comm relay!



No problemo. Hey, stinky! Keep your head down!
It wasn’t me, it was Joe!
Hey, he who smelt it, dealt it.
I did not!



*flips switch*
Fucking HELL! They hacked our guns AGAIN! Where the hell is she!?
Heh heh.



Hilda, your job’s done, get the hell outta there! We’ll cover you.
Thanks!



*sigh* Another one down.



Aaaah, just like high school. Flashbangs away!
JESUS FUCK WHY DID I ENHANCE MY EYES TO SEE BETTER IN THE DARK!? AUGH.



Hey, a laundromat, excellent. Give me a second to steal some clothes… aww, COME ON! They’re here, too!?



She has to come through us to get into the Skyranger. Out in the open there will be nothing for her to camouflage against. Heh heh heh.



No, no, not the rocket pun—
ROCKET PUNCH!



…these guys are terrible shots.
Yoko, this guy is looking right at me, can you take him out?



Got him.
Thanks! You’re a lifesaver.



So long, suckers! Cam, I’m locking myself in the Skyranger. Clean up these assholes and let’s get the hell out of here!
Oh, shit, she’s behind me? Where!?



None of your damn business, son.
Oh, SHIT! VAN DOORN!



Crud, I wanted him to spin horizontally when I shot him. Maybe next time…



ROCKET PUNCH X3!
You’re getting into this, huh? Heh.
Ahhh… it feels like… justice!
Heh. Nice to have you back with us, doc.
Please, you can call me Alicia.



Hilda, you okay?
Cold, tired, hungry, sore, but overall, pretty satisfied, and very grateful. Hey, Commander, permission to have a movie marathon with Cam?
Granted! This was a flawless victory, team!



Hugo, Eva, and Van Doorn, you’re all getting promoted. Excellent work.



And another special promotion for you too, Queen. Keep it up and I’ll run out of awards to throw at you.
Thanks, commander.
So… they have assets within the United States and Russia, but this document clearly lets it slip that their funder is not based in either one of those nations. Hmm…it’s better than nothing.